Emotional Validation

What is Emotional validation and Why is it important for children ?
“Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated” - Till Bolte Taylor
Emotional validation in simple words is validating our children’s feelings. It is simply
acknowledging their feelings without questioning or judgement. Of course, it doesn’t mean we
always agree with them.
It’s all about accepting and respecting what they are feeling irrespective of how we feel about
that emotion. It is about letting them know that their feelings are valid and they are loved and
respected unconditionally.
The primary message being ‘What they feel is important to us.’
Our job as parents is to make them understand,
Why are they feeling, what are they feeling ?
How they are feeling?
How can we help them deal with them ?
Validating their feelings is extremely important because
- [ ] It helps them feel significant and important
- [ ] They understand themselves better
- [ ] They understand that all emotions are important and there is nothing called as bad emotions
- [ ] It helps them develop healthy emotional intelligence
Emotional Validation is the process of understanding, acknowledging and tuning into other’s
emotions even if we feel that they are negative. It’s about not judging, or belittling someone’s
emotions and giving them a safe space to express themselves without holding.
Validating means that you might not agree with what they are feeling or their emotional
response. But you still demonstrate that you understand what they are feeling without trying to
talk them out or shame them for it.
Emotional Validation Benefits
An emotionally validated child feels safe, heard, respected and protected.
As humans, being seen and understood are the basis of healthy relationships.
When their emotions are respected it avoids shame and self blame
And when we don’t validate their feelings it affects their self worth and confidence.
How to practice Emotional validation with our children
1. Listening quietly - Genuinely, actively listen and be there. Don’t judge but be there
unconditionally.
2. Help them identify and acknowledge the feeling - acknowledge what they are feeling from
inside, if they don’t know how to identify what they are feeling, help them. “ I see he snatched
your bag and that made you angry, hence you are kicking your feet”
3. Validate their emotion - this is the most important step. It is not the time to correct or give
lectures. That you can do later, when they are in the state of receiving. This is the time to
express empathy through the use of empathetic body language and words.
15 ways you can validate their feelings
* “Of course you're upset!”
* “ It must be so hard for you.”
* “I’m here for you."
* “ I felt the same, when I was your age.”
* “ It makes sense that you feel upset.”
* “What you’re feeling is completely normal.”
* “I know you are upset, do you want me to give you a hug?”
* “ How frustrating!”
* "I feel the same way."
* “What a horrible feeling that must be.”
* “I can see how hard you are working.”
* “It must make you feel horrible to have someone do that.”
* "I bet you're frustrated."
* “ I hear you.”
* “ How can I support you?”